Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
