On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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