Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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