I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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