You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
