I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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