tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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