an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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