I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
