he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
