i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
