thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
