what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
