I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
pray to the hookup gods
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
