if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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