Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
