I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
