Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
