you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
