I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
