Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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