4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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