so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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