Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
