What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This is the high leading the old right now
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
