So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
