everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
