Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
