There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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