i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
