There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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