I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
they need to just BURY HIM!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
