he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
