im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
