i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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