ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
