yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
