the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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