someone threw a dead crab at me
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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