Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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