You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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