GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
