Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
