i may or may not be watching the land before time
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
