are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
