I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
