just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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