At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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