I don't think brook has ever known best
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
