I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
