fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
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