Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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