I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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