that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
