friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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